Sunday, 17 April 2011


Introduction: A week ago today, I did something awful and I'm not sure I'll ever forgive myself for hurting my family that badly, especially my sister who has A levels this summer and cannot take any more stress from me. I called her up and read this out to her on Tuesday. I hope she accepts my apology...

Comment if you like :)


After the suffering of this past year,
When from the roots, sprouted fears,
Through all the hurt, the prices we've paid,
I promise our lives will blossom again.
You're too good a sister, too good a friend,
For someone like me to bring your life to an end.
You have your own path, keep treading you way.
There is one word I want to say:
I made the bulbs dim and fade
In our family's fairy lights that Mum & Dad made.
When my bulb short-circuited, blew a fuse,
You stayed by my side, it's you I can't lose.
It'd be so easy for you to take off into bliss.
My dreary, grey heart I doubt you would miss.
But along with your burden, you carry another:
A love, undying, for your baby brother.
You stay onboard when my ship is sinking.
No matter what I say, I am always thinking -
What did I do to deserve this care,
This support, this friendship, anytime, anywhere?
I admire your strength, courage, thick-skin.
You're a candle that never goes out in the wind.
Even when my chains drag you down too,
You pick yourself up, push on through.
For you've so much to live for, your horizons wide,
Your friends, your studies, the ball's on your side.
Or your court, I should say, one more mistake,
But I'll forever regret the one I made
on Sunday night. Inexcusable, wrong.
Your heart I scarred, but you have hurt all along.
Since the day I abandoned you, turned my back,
Disappeared off reality's track.
Could I be more
The answer is no.
My apology's a teardrop, so sincere, so
Great it will pour into a watery rug,
Wrap around you and give you a hug.
That my illness rammed between
Holidays, good times we could have seen.
I'm the ink blot on our white, blank page,
You've no idea how furious, enraged
I am with myself for hurting you,
Mum, Dad, Alexandra too.
That ends now, it's the train's final stop,
I will climb my Everest, reach the top -
For you, for me, for everyone
Who's loved and supported me since day one.
My troubles have jarred your voice out of key
But sing loud and proud, don't let me
Shadow your future that shines so bright,
Make you need to be rocked to sleep every night.
I want your soul to flourish, last,
I don't want your clock to run slow or fast.
I want you to function, to live life, to be,
But a smog to your sun, here it is again, me.
I'd say, "Go with the wind," wherever, whenever,
I'd allowed you to run, I'd severe your tether.
But still you would sit on the grass, rest awhile,
Turn your face to mine and give me a smile.
For that I'll be grateful forever, don't think
I'll ignore your love and continue to sink.
I'll get back on the track, although I've sinned.
Hold my hand, together we'll be gone with the wind.

The title is Irish for Sister.

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