Thursday, 7 April 2011


Introduction: This poem was inspired by Black Swan. The image of the ballerina performing a pirouette (neither moving forwards or backwards but stationary whilst dizzy and confused) portrays my feelings of constant indecisiveness as I can pick no direction - moving on in my recovery or sliding back down into a relapse - so I stay where I am, but in uncertainty. Without realizing it, having talked to a dear friend today who has experienced it, I added elements of child abuse. I think the ballerina image came to be because it is the typical anorexic stereotype - although I hate stereotypes (well, I clearly don't adhere to the stereotypes as a heterosexual guy...)


Her arms spread wide, dancing hawk of night.
Toe-tipped, in a breeze she sways
Like reeds in the wetlands, she'll never forget him.
Her dad made her childhood a haze.

In your studio of dance, the see-saw's chance,
You recoil from devil silhouettes.
Red or blue? It's up to you
And your twirling pirouette.

Its shadowed paws, at hearts they claw:
The prowling of a panther.
With drumsticks long or golden gongs
Speak out and sing your anthem.

Your cobbled path, misted in wrath,
Dreams lured into nets.
Black or white? Left or right?
Your whirling pirouette.

On her airy cloud's feet, this fairy was beat
By a buckle of father of stone.
With her daffodil's dance, all that she asks
Is his approval for her own.

Your troubled mask of troubled past
Forever in stone, set.
Up or down or all around
Your swirling pirouette?

To the handrail she clings, unable to bring
Herself closer to corners that hide
Mysterious matter, her potential in tatters,
She'll sew herself up in good time.

In the ballet mirrors, the gremlin is clearer,
Eyes of blood-curdling black jet.
Shiny or matte? This or that?
Your eternal pirouette.

With your last gazelle's prance, save the last dance.
Make your choice and do not lie.
Her knees buckle, break, her choice is made.
The mirrors watch her die.


- The gremlin, the panther and the devil silhouettes all represent anorexia.

- The 'father of stone' sexually abuses the ballerina as a child.

- Her troubled mask being set in stone shows how difficult it is to move on from a traumatic experience and live your life.

- The constant questions represent my indecisiveness.

Thanks for reading :) I've got a few sad poems coming up in the next few days/weeks... 

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